Blood Moon
by goldxnapplxs
Summary: Remus Lupin discovers an interesting new kink amidst a depressive episode. But, when his best friend Sirius Black finds out, he is seriously concerned. Will Lupin be able to comfort his friend, or will his dark desires overwhelm him?
1. Chapter 1: Moon in Scorpio

Remus Lupin climbed into the "haunted" shack for the 2nd time this school year. The stages of being a werewolf took so much out of him everytime, he didn't know if he could bear through O.W.L.S like this; 5th year was already proving to be tough. At least he had James, Sirius and Peter, though he was positive they were asleep by the time he had made his way back to campus. Lupin crawled onto the makeshift cot he and James made in their 3rd year. It was holding up nicely, especially since Peter and James had also donated blankets and pillows to the cause of helping Remus sleep.

As he pulled the shabby blanket over his skinny, bruised body and began to drift away, Remus noticed a slight creak in the floorboards. As usual, the exhausted boy ignored the sound of the house, if a house is even what you'd call it. He tossed onto his side and fell into a deep sleep. If something took him in his sleep, he welcomed it.

A pair of yellow eyes cut through the darkness and crossed the room towards Remus. The eyes stayed glued to the small body of the boy ahead of him. The eyes watched as ribcage rose and fell with a rhythmical breathing. As quietly as possible, the eyes suddenly became an entire body, the owner of the eyes revealed to be a huge, shaggy dog that was blacker than the night surrounding them. He creeped as silently as he could towards the bed until he was at the edge. He pushed his nose into Lupin's hair and russelled it a bit. When the sleeping boy didn't wake, the dog jumped onto the cot and curled up along the back of the boney body. He noticed a brand new set of scars acquired by the werewolf's most recent transition. The full moon shifting away, finally settling into Scorpio.

In the morning, Remus woke up with no blanket. He vaguely remembered throwing it away in the night, but not knowing why. When he looked down, he realized why he was so warm. Sirius was curled up to him, still in his shaggy dog form. Remus rubbed his head and the dog instantly awoke. "Hello," he sighed. Sirius licked his hand where Remus had gotten a rather large new cut, causing the boy to pull back. "Don't, it might get infected." Sirius lowered his face before Remus could apologize. Instead, the boy hugged the dogs head to his chest. "Thanks for being here…" Sirius licked his cheek happily and began to jump from the cot. He tugged Lupin by his socks, trying to get his attention.

"Ekips-oooh!" He tried, but failed to complete the healing spell. "Whats up?!" he cried as he looked down at Sirius. The dog looked back and forth frantically from the window to the boy on the bed. Remus could see children from Hogwarts flying outside in the distance. Morning classes had started!

"Great!" Lupin thought, another detention for missing classes…

"May as well just stay here and shirk it all." Remus was zoning out, lying back into the bed before the dog jumped back up to try and pull him up without biting too hard. Remus swatted him away. "Go away. I'd rather stay here. Perhaps I can tell the headmaster I was just in too much pain…" Excuses filled his brain; He could skip his usual healing charm and potion routine to appear in rougher shape. Perhaps he "ate something disagreeable" while in the forest. Or maybe even was attacked...who knows what Professor Kettleburn let out there in all his years a professor, the possibilities were endless!

Remus had convinced himself to stay down. "Go away Sirius, I want to lay here today." The black ears of the dog perked instantly and he cocked his head. Remus could almost see a furrowed brow. "No Sirius. Not today...I don't feel up to it." The boy turned his back to the dog, and moments later felt his weight leave the bed altogether.

Remus fell into a deep sleep, the types he takes over the summer when his depression reaches its peak. He sleeps so deeply and heavily he forgets how dirty his is, how sore, how hungry. All his senses shut down and he falls to a infinitely dark place in his slumber.

When he awakens hours later, the sun is at its highest, the crisp November air making the shack a little cooler. Remus didn't care about the temperature of the room, he pulled the blanket up again to cover his face and closed his eyes.

Remus falls into another deep pit of sleep. In his head, he can see images of his skin ripping, his mouth widening, his eyes changing color. He never had seen himself as a werewolf. He was too ashamed to look in the mirror. Images turned more sensory. He felt his teeth gritting together, his nails clawing into the blanket, his toes curling inwards so tightly his nails dug into the soles of his feet. He awoke to a sharp pain and realized that the cut on his hand had reopened from clenching too hard.

Remus felt the sudden urge desperately cry. His body, covered in scars, sore, aching, and pounding, never feeling relief. It weighed heavily on his mind. Although the boy was extremely smart and loyal, he sometimes felt that if he never came back from the Forbidden Forest again, that if his next transformation did kill him, he wouldn't care if he died.

The painful lucid dream he experienced made Remus want to reconsider sleeping his day away. Although, he had no particular desire to go back to the main campus either. He found the watch he was wearing before the full moon caused him to morph and checked the time: 4:30 in the afternoon. Of course he couldn't go back now, he'd be spotted by someone for sure. Remus felt trapped. He'd decided to spend his day here but didn't think through the part where he'd have to return to his dorm, his classes, his life as a "regular" Hogwarts student.

"But I'll never be regular." he muttered to himself, defeated.

He climbed out of the bed and slunk over to where he hid his clothes days before. As he was stepping through the room barefooted, he stepped on something. He yelped out but when he picked up the object that cut him, he silenced himself. It was a small, sharp piece of glass, probably left from a broken window years ago. He grabbed his wand and successfully cast Ekipsy on his wound. The blood dried and the wound healed, as usual. Remus examined the glass that had stuck was stained slightly from his blood, the edge that cut him a light red hue. He stared at it for a moment before he abruptly brought it to his wrist. He didn't even brace himself before he dug it across his forearm, under his elbows. He shuttered a little and then felt the the sting. It was...pleasant. Something about the sting, about the tiny droplets of blood rushing to the surface of his skin. Remus didn't know why he liked it….it was strange, and disgusting...just like being a werewolf.

Suddenly, the idea of finding pleasure in his pain did not bother him so much. IF he had to live his entire life as a shameful feral beast that he had no control over, he may as well have control over _something_. Remus realized suddenly that he had very little control over anything: his home life or his condition as a werewolf. But, he did have control over this. He began to dig the glass into his thigh, making sure he cut his enough that his intrusive friends would not see. The single drop of blood that fell down his leg made a trail of crimson on the pale skin beneath it.

He made another incision on his upper thigh and used the blood to draw a half moon.


	2. Chapter 2: Moon in Gemini

1.5 Years Later

Remus and Sirius snuck into the Shrieking Shack after a night of fire whiskey on the edge of the forest. The 16, almost 17 year old boys had never been so close, as they were drawing near the end of the school year, Sirius was making his usual plan to sneak away from Grimmauld Place to visit Remus, Peter and James over the break. The boys laid on the same cot they had early in their 5th year. This time, Sirius traded his rugged appearance as the Grim for a leather jacket clad, raven haired boy with deep, dark eyes. Since Remus had been 14, he had often stared to the core of those eyes. When he realized he liked the darkness and free falling into them, he realized he was plummeting in love with his best friend.

Of course, Lupin also realized on that day last year that he also crabed control, craved punishing himself so that when the world did it, it would hurt less. Lupin could never control Sirius, and had no interest in doing such. He also had no interest in explaining his secret love for pain.

Since his fifth year, Remus had acquired many self-inflicted scars. Sometimes he even left them unhealed as a way to admire his scars longer. Every time he drew his own blood, he felt a type of pleasure that guilted him drove him crazy at the same time. He knew this self destruction couldn't sustain itself forever. Eventually, the places he cut, tore, clawed through, they'd be irreversibly damaged. Although, they would blend perfectly into his usual scars that covered his body. His body would destroy itself every month, why try to hide the scars anymore?

Sirius laid his head on Remus' thigh. The werewolf almost jumped, uncomfortable with the idea that Sirius, his crush, was so close to his cuts, his unusual and illogical love.

"I bet if we cleaned this place up a bit, we could live here."

Remus laughed, "Like you'd take the time to fix it up."

Sirius drew his eyebrows together. "I do all sorts of cleaning!" he said defensively, cause Lupin to begin dying with laughter.

"You couldn't even clean your own bed sheets, I wash them with mine now."

Sirius popped up to face Remus. "THAT'S why they always smell clean? I thought my charms really worked."

Remus grabbed Sirius for a hug and rocked drunkenly, laughing still. "I always take care of you."

Sirius got out the bed and began looking around, like the previous conversation did not happen. "We could replace the glass, clear the fallen wood and dust. Scourgify would help, I bet." Sirius drew his wand from inside his coat pocket and tried to cast the cleaning spell, but stuttered during the process, rendering it useless. Instead, he was knocked backwards slightly, on to his ass. Lupin was practically howling with laughter, constantly in tears over his friend. The teenager laid back and let his laughter fill the room. Before he could recover, the animagus was on top of him. "You know I'm no good with household spells! You always laugh, how about I Scourgify your mouth then!"

They wrestled, the toner, stronger boy maintaining his position on top. "You'll make a fine housewife someday, Sirius." Lupin quipped. Black pinched his chest repeatedly until the boy on bottom swatted him away. "Get off! You're too heavy!" Lupin groaned as he tried to force his drunk friend off. "Oh am I?" the Black boy asked, before laying directly on top of Lupin again. His whole body rested on the little body of the boy beneath him, warmth radiating of the werewolf's skin.

"You're drunk! Get off Sirius, I can smell the fire whiskey still on you!" he said, still laughing. Sirius just burrowed his face between Lupin's hair and face. Remus felt his hot breath pressing on his neck and ears, but didn't move. "You're going to crush me…" he said in a final attempt to get his companion off. "Don't be daft, I'd have to be Peter's size to do that." Sirius nudged the other's ear with his soft, pointed nose and began nuzzling him. "Sirius, you're going into dog mode, I need you with two legs, not four." as he spoke, he could feel his cheeks turning an embarrassing shade of red, his blood rushing towards two opposite ends. Drunken Sirius wouldn't know the difference, he barely noticed how he was behaving himself.

"Remus," he started. "Lets fix it."

Lupin cupped the head of Black hair and stroked it. "I wish we could…" and he felt terrible. Just as he believed he had no control of his life, he realized Sirius was the same. Constantly kicked out of his own home, living for weeks at a time as a dog or with James. Hogwarts and with each other seemed to be the only place either of them had any control over their own lives.

The 16 year old's head swam with emotion. No matter how intelligent, logical or precise Remus was, Sirius was always something unexpected. He expected the boy to be cold when they first met, to be hard, to live up to his family name. But, Sirius constantly surprised him by proving how his heart was bigger than his legacy.

Remus knew it would be hard to calm the drunk boy the longer he grew emotional. Remus grabbed his wand and cast "reparo!" fixing a nearby window. He instantly felt a twinge inside him; he wanted to cut. He wanted to see the blood fall down his skinny thighs again. With Sirius on top, that'd definitely be difficult.

Both boys ended up asleep, but one woke up in the middle of the night. Remus quietly got off the cot, now resting on the floor after a year a half worth of transitions. He quickly searched the small drawer set across the room, he kept everything there. The small piece of glass he first started cutting with was there, along with witch hazel and a change of clothes for next month's full moon. Remus took his trousers off and sat in the shadow opposite Sirius' side of the room. He made a cut right above his knee and made it a matching set when he moved to the other thigh. The dull side held towards his fingers, he began to slide the jagged edge through the sensitive skin. He let out a small sigh of pleasure and relief, finally appeasing his craving for blood. He laid his body against the wall and began to cut right above the crease where his tricep and elbow meet. Four small incisions later, he is finally beginning to feel less anxious.

Remus, fully relaxed in his corner of the room, put the glass down and put his head back against the wall. His sleepy eyes could stay open only for seconds at a time. He felt spent after cutting. He felt drained, all the emotion rushing out with his blood was exhausting. It was like a race between the emotion and the blood, which could meet the skin first.

"Remus!" was the first thing he heard when he awoke, he tried to check the watch on his wrist but it was still dark. "It has to be close to morning…" he thought to himself. "Remus, did you fall? Sirius collected his friend in a ferocious hug and cradled him in his lap. Remus winced as he bent his arms, the small cuts between them stinging lightly.

"No." he said dryly.

Sirius examined his cuts and pressed kisses onto them. "These are fresh, what happened?" Sirius was still a little drunk, unable to hide his obvious concern. "Remus…" he hiccupped "did you do this?" He held the smaller boy's thigh as he asked, looking them up and down thoroughly. He couldn't tell what was self inflicted and what was caused by his monthly cycle.

Lupin's face dropped, hidden now by the shadows and his sandy hair. "Yes."

Sirius' eyes widened when his best friend admitted to self harming. He looked from Remus' uncovered thighs, to his arms and face. He had always been covered in scars since the moment they met. Why would he want more?

"You...don't understand. _Won't_ understand." Remus said quietly. "It's not what it seems…" He wanted to touch Sirius, offer him a hand, imagined entwining their fingers. "It doesn't remind me of the pain…" he didn't know where to go after that. Did he admit it was what turned them on? What helped him escape? What made him feel in control? "It helps me forget it."


	3. Chapter 3: Moon in Capricorn

Sirius looked up at Lupin astounded. He rubbed the blood on his finger and drug it down his friend's thigh. "You...like this? How does it help you?"

Remus took a sharp inhale. He had not figured that out for himself self yet. Did it turn him on? Relax him? Was it a coping mechanism used to expel emotional pain? Was he an alchemist, converting pain to pleasure? He had no idea.

"It just...takes all the focus I put towards my feelings and makes them...tangible. I can control what I feel." Sirius raised an eyebrow. "That's what you like? Control?" Remus' eyes darted up. "That's not what I said!" he said mildly. "Sounds like that's what you meant." the werewolf had the sudden urge, a wild impulse quite uncommon for introverts like himself. He bit Sirius' lip. "Bastard!" the victim laughed, wiping his hand across his lip. He laid his head in Lupin's lap, forcing the werewolf to comb through his dark hair with his fingers.

"Pull it." he encouraged nonchalantly.

Remus looked down a bit confused but curious nonetheless.

"Go ahead and tug it a bit, I won't be upset."

Remus laughed "You're the one whos' being daft now." he said.

"At least I don't wet the bed." Sirius came back matter of factly.

Almost subconsciously, Remus jerked his hand back, a handful of the others hair still in it. Sirius winced but giggled. "See, told you I wouldn't care." Lupin scoffed and pushed him away. "You're such a troll."

"Remus, instead of hurting yourself…." he grabbed the hand that was most badly scarred and pressed Lupin's nail into his own soft skin. "Hurt me."

Remus couldn't hide the awkward rise in his pants. "Sirius…." he wanted to object, but looked down to catch himself. Sirius crawled into his ap again and nuzzled Lupin's inner thigh, delivering light kisses and bites. "I think it's better to hurt me than to ruin your cute little body." Remus scoffed again, "you always have to tease, even when begging me." He grabbed a handful of black hair and forced Sirius' head back to expose his neck, before he attacked the boy with kisses. "Oh, your lips are much softer than the rest of you," Sirius giggled. Remus bit down harder and gripped the back of the teenagers neck. "Why don't you touch the softest part?" He tried to sound like he was coaxing the other boy. Sirius slid his hand past the waist of his friends trousers. He knew Remus was soft, but his joke had worked marvellously in provocation. Sirius had secretly been crushing on his friend ever since he was 13. Of course, at 13, he wasn't imagining getting his hair pulled and choked. Those fantasies came later after he saw Remus in werewolf mode.

Lupin didn't think he'd feel that aggressive so soon after transformation, but either way, he was happy to let the scene play out. He wasn't, though, happy about the consequences to his cutting habit. Now that Sirius had once again inserted himself firmly into his life, not as a friend, but as a lover.

Lupin's head swam feeling someone else's hands on his dick. At Hogwarts, it wasn't exactly easy to sneak about, especially with two people. He stopped being able to worry when he felt Sirius spit into his hand and continue rubbing him. "Oh wow, Pads, you actually have a talent." Lupin joked, causing his friend to tighten his grip and go faster. "You're impressed with my talent, though." He teased again and giggled. Remus tightened his hands around Sirius' throat and watched his eyes widen a bit. The sandy haired boy chuckled at himself. "I am, which is why I'd appreciate if you'd shut up and finish."

"So...about this cutting thing...no more, right?" Sirius bought this up randomly as they snuck back to their common room. "Okay?" he tried to assert. Remus sighed. "Okay."

8 Months Later-7th Year

Sirius met Lupin in the Shrieking Shack, his transformation having barely ended an hour ago. The boy, disguised as the dog, carried a basket of fruit with him along with some cheese and bread. When he creeped up the entrance to the run down shack, he found remus in bed, fully clothed, which was unusual because he usually prefered to cool off and lay naked after full moons.

He walked over to the body, a little dirty still from his days in the woods. He licked his face and quietly took his human form to greet his friend. Remus woke up and smiled. "Don't you have charms at 8:00?" he asked sarcastically. "Yes, but breakfast seemed in order. I'll leave as soon as I see you eat properly." Remus chuckled and bit into a piece of bread. "Thank you Padfoot." and tipped his head. "See you later." he sighed sleepily and watch Sirius creep out of their secret spot and waited until he disappeared across the castle grounds. He raised his weakened body up and walked to where he stored his belongings. After searching no less than 3 seconds, he found the object he was looking for: the small shard of glass.

He knew he had promised Sirius he would stop, but his secret desire couldn't be contained. Despite the fact that he wanted to keep his scars open so he could see them, he did use healing charms to mask the serious cuts he delivered to himself. Over the summer, he was free to leave whatever scars he wanted, but at Hogwarts he couldn't make that mistake. Especially not at the risk of hurting his lover.

He cut a little deeper than usual, using the excess of blood to make an "S". For the past 8 months, his life seemed to be like a roller coaster, but Sirius was something to look forward to. But cutting was something he couldn't let go of that easily….

He made a minor cut running parallel to the first, then moved to make the same incision on his leg. As he dug the ragged edge down his thigh, he threw his head back and clenched his fish tight. "God" he thought "I'm so sick" he said aloud.

"Yea, you fucking are." He heard from the shadows. Sirius sat, naked from his transformation from dog to human once more. "I told you last year, stop!" He wanted to cry, looking at his love covered in his own blood.

The werewolf sighed and looked up at his friend, finally. "The truth is, it feels too good."

Sirius was shocked, and his head swirled with questions. "So, I'm not good enough?" He wanted to ask. But, looking at Remus then, like that, bloody and crumpled into a corner, he knew that was a selfish question. Sirius was overwhelmed by feelings of guilt. He wanted to protect his friend, but ended up making him choose. He got down next to Remus and took the chipped glass in his friend's hand. REmus held onto it, just tight enough to avoid cutting himself again. Sirius pushed his hand forward "I'll give it back." He didn't have to say "I promise" because Remus understood by his tone alone. The smaller boy reached out and dropped the glass into the others hand. "You said it feels good?" Sirius asked as he turned the now stained glass over and over in his hand. Lupin nodded, his head still low, eyes glued to the floor out of fear over what the outcome of this situation could be.

He felt Sirius grab his thigh and looked up then. "S?" the dark haired boy asked him. Remus completely forgot about doing that and felt like an absolute idiot. "I was thinking of you today….I am happy." He offered a weak smile, that was genuine about his previous answer but now lacking the happiness he was trying to convey.

Sirius traced the outline of the bloodied "S" with his right index finger. After a quiet moment in which he traced Lupin's scars, he took the glass and finally made his move. On his own exposed forearm, he began carving a heart.

Remus was initially shocked and reached for the glass in his friend's hand, trying to make him stop, but he pulled away. He winced as he began the first curve of the small shape. "Sirius..." Remus watched the blood start to come to the surface, but the other kept going, only wincing again at the second curve. Remus looked down, mouth and eyes wide. Sirius' arm was bloody, the small droplets falling down his forearm. He wiped the blood away and slowly lifted his arm for Remus. "Do you want one?"

Instant fireworks went off in Lupin's head. He didn't know whether to feel scared by the sudden change in behavior or turned on by it. Never had he imagined someone else inflicting the pain on him. Sirius had big, warm hands that he loved to be touched, caressed and loved by. Now, he was also going to be hurt by the same hands. How was he to process this? Be aroused? That was too late. Be shocked? Too late. Be concerned? "Too late. So, he went with what his heart wanted. "Yes."

He stretched his leg out for Sirius to pick an ideal spot on his thigh. Once he found the piece of skin he liked best, he pressed the glass into the soft thigh before him. As soon as the sharpness began to register with his brain, Lupin was leaning back, sighing into the curve of the little heart as Sirius pressed down harder. This made him moan, something he had never done on his own before. "You really do like it…." Sirius observed, continuing to press against Lupin, who smiled shyly. "I'm glad" Sirius began "that you let me" he was rounding the final curve "do this" and leaned his face down to kiss the bloody heart tattoo "to you."


End file.
